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Jake Goldman can run faster than you and his fists are made of iron. http://internetdogfist.com he can. Tue, 01 Jul 2008 23:01:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.1 en Sample of my failed comedy CD. http://internetdogfist.com/2008/06/10/sample-of-my-failed-comedy-cd/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/06/10/sample-of-my-failed-comedy-cd/#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:47:59 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/06/10/sample-of-my-failed-comedy-cd/ Armless Substitute

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Thanksgiving Dinner With People Who have no heads. http://internetdogfist.com/2008/04/16/thanksgiving-dinner-with-people-who-have-no-heads-2/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/04/16/thanksgiving-dinner-with-people-who-have-no-heads-2/#comments Wed, 16 Apr 2008 08:55:01 +0000 Jake Stories Cooking http://internetdogfist.com/2008/04/16/thanksgiving-dinner-with-people-who-have-no-heads-2/

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well… http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/08/well/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/08/well/#comments Sat, 09 Feb 2008 01:37:03 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/08/well/ I’ve already lost the blogging contest.

The good news is, my last week of work begins…NOW.

cheers.


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http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/06/478/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/06/478/#comments Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:24:12 +0000 Jake General jerks. election http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/06/478/ I’m tired of people saying things like:

“Oh, I didn’t vote because I just don’t care,” or “I don’t identify with any of the candidates.”

Bullshit.

Who REALLY identifies with any of these politicians? Stop being lazy and do some reading. That’s a lame excuse.

You people know the issues of this nation and there are plenty. You have ideals you hold dearly, don’t you? Do you want to keep those ideals? I’m sure you do. And I’m sure, while you’d never admit it, there’s been times you’ve been angry with America and there’s been times where America has been a the place you loved and never wanted to leave.

So, stop making excuses. I didn’t even vote for the person I identified with the most; I voted for the person I thought had the best shot at beating those Republican clowns because this country needs change.

Don’t you dare complain about this country or politics or anything if you don’t vote or don’t find out what the issues are. Yes, there’s so much empty rhetoric in all this and empty promises and whatever other bullshit may be spewing from potential nominees but you have been endowed with the right to vote, so fucking use it, pinhead.

Ah.

AH.

That’s all.

I don’t think I’ve written anything angry on this blog before today.

Cheers.

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Super Tuesday. http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/05/super-tuesday/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/05/super-tuesday/#comments Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:42:40 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/05/super-tuesday/ My good friend Chris at Becoming Somebody, asked a bunch of writer-type-friends to contribute to the aforementioned site with their thoughts on the political landscape as we, as a country, endure “Super Tuesday,” or whatever the fuck they’re calling it here. Some great posts there.

Here’s mine:

We Are a Mess

Be sure to read Chris’ short stories by clicking on “Short Story Archive” on the right side.

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my dream ballot for today http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/05/my-dream-ballot-for-today/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/05/my-dream-ballot-for-today/#comments Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:26:37 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/05/my-dream-ballot-for-today/

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F the pro-bowl http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/04/f-the-pro-bowl/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/04/f-the-pro-bowl/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2008 17:12:16 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/04/f-the-pro-bowl/ GIANTS HEAD COACH TOM COUGHLIN
“The best part of it for me is the idea that this group of young men, who came together and believed in themselves, bought the team concept completely, took the names off the back of the jerseys, checked the egos at the door. The reinforcement for team is the greatest source of satisfaction for me. I told the players last night – and I had stayed away from any personal refrain because I didn’t think it was proper timing, but last night it was. I told them about my experience in 1990, when you realize that you are the World Champion, other than your family and your children and those type of things professionally, there is no comparison to the feeling. You could walk around six feet high and it would be appropriate, for our players. When you stop and think about Michael Strahan, when you stop and think about Jeff Feagles, Jeff in his 20th year and only six times in the playoffs. You start to think about all our veteran guys who now are World Champions and are experiencing that feeling for the first time, reinforcing the concept of team, that’s the greatest thing for me.”

Giants Owner John K. Mara
(on winning the Super Bowl) “I’ll tell you what, it’s the greatest victory in the history of this franchise, without question. I just want to say to all you Giants fan who have supported us for more than 30 years at Giants Stadium, for all those years in Yankee Stadium and some of you even back to the Polo Grounds, this is for you.”

It is so very sweet.

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ahem. http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/03/ahem/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/03/ahem/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2008 05:17:31 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/03/ahem/ Giants.

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an interaction i’ll never have http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/03/an-interaction-ill-never-have/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/03/an-interaction-ill-never-have/#comments Sun, 03 Feb 2008 19:43:01 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/03/an-interaction-ill-never-have/ ROBOT: Jake?

JAKE: Go away!

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How to not lure a man eating snake into your house: http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/01/how-to-not-lure-a-man-eating-snake-into-your-house/ http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/01/how-to-not-lure-a-man-eating-snake-into-your-house/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 21:03:35 +0000 Jake Stories http://internetdogfist.com/2008/02/01/how-to-not-lure-a-man-eating-snake-into-your-house/ Just, like, don’t?

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