My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!

remember:
Friday December 07th 2007, 12:06 pm
Filed under: People I hate.

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Let’s build bridges together!
Thursday November 09th 2006, 7:37 am
Filed under: Stories, People I hate., jerks.

fileserver.aspx.jpegHi, I am on your board of trustees.  I am going to laugh at whatever you say.

trustee-denning.jpg  Great.  Hey how about that new merger we’re going to–

fileserver.aspx.jpeg HAHA!  WOW!  You shoud be in the papers.

trustee-denning.jpg I am very hilarious!  My children agree!
fileserver.aspx.jpegWe are very happy to be white!

trustee-denning.jpg True!

fileserver.aspx.jpegI will wed one of your daughters!
trustee-denning.jpg You are the proper man she needs!  You won’t even have to ask!
fileserver.aspx.jpegI bet she is great in a bedroom!
trustee-denning.jpg Try everything once–I do!
fileserver.aspx.jpegIt is so great to laugh.

trustee-denning.jpg Hey!  Let’s have cigars in our place of business because we own it!

fileserver.aspx.jpegYou are telling the truth and filling stereotypes!

trustee-denning.jpg Art imitates life!

fileserver.aspx.jpegBack slaps!

trustee-denning.jpg Should we make deals?

fileserver.aspx.jpegWho cares!?  Burn money!

trustee-denning.jpg Eat expensive steaks!!!!

fileserver.aspx.jpegtrustee-denning.jpg WHAT FULL LIVES WE LIVE.

[shudder]



Friday October 27th 2006, 6:11 am
Filed under: Stories, People I hate., jerks.

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Top 5 Worst Bands I Can Think Of Right Now Because Some of their Stupid songs are in my head:
Wednesday October 25th 2006, 7:46 am
Filed under: People I hate.


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I just HAVE to make business deals on my cellphone while riding on the bus every morning.
Monday September 25th 2006, 7:02 am
Filed under: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!, People I hate.

These goddamn bus seats are just magnetic! The second I sit down my Motorolla Razr just flies out of my pocket and into my hand! Wait, I just have to check my email via phone. Checking it on a computer screen is so 90’s alt-rock.

Well, here I go dialing! I can’t wait to say phrases like “Get that money baby!” and “The waitstaff at [very hip sushi restaurant] was soooo slow.” Hold on, you just said something shocking to me on the other line. I am going to sit forward in my bus-seat and take off my Christian Dior glasses because everyone is definitely watching me and wondering what my next move is.

Yes, that’s right, rest of the bus. I am emoting. Over business deals. All of this is very shocking to me and I want answers now. Wait, let me check my email while I’m still on the phone. That could be Coca-Cola emailing! I’m just going to say things like “uh-huh, oh yeah totes,” and “it is so not pre-fab,” while I actually check my email. RC-Cola wants to sponsor my fall fashion line? Yeah right, cunts! My nine leather bracelets are really awesome.

Well, I’m going to have to hang up now and then half-turn to the person next to me and roll my eyes to try and get their attention. Boy, I hope they see me so I can tell them how successful I am and how wonderful my business is! My own business. Wow, I am really getting that paper. Did the other guy see me eye roll? I hope so!

Oh. He’s spitting on me.

Is that in now? Is spitting the new black? I’m going to assume it is.

Here I go, I’m going to spit on the bus-driver on my way out to say thanks!

Hm. That did not go well. These cuffs are uncomfortable! But…oh yes. NEXT RUNWAY SHOW! MODELS IN CUFFS! BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST TRAPPED IN CHARMED LIVES AND CANNOT AND WILL NOT GET OUT! THEY ARE IN THE PRISONS OF THEIR OWN COLLECTIVE MINDS! I AM A GODDAMN GENIUS!


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