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[Kenny Dickface is shopping at the Food Hole. He has Nila wafers and ginger ale. UH OH KENNY DICKFACE MUST HAVE A STOMACH ACHE!!!]
Cashier: Will that be all?
KD: Yes, thanks. [pulls out credit card]
[cashier swipes it and is not phased by the name on the card.]
KD: Okay, let me have it. Destroy me.
Cashier: What?
KD: You read my credit card name…
Cashier: So?
KD: My name…
Cashier: Is Kenny Dickface.
KD: And?
Cashier: That’s a stupid fucking name.
KD: And my face looks like a dick, and I’m terrible, blah, blah–
Cashier: Hey. I’m not five.
KD: Oh, I just–
Cashier: Oh, you just? You just what? Thought because I was a cashier I’d just be ripping on your unfortunate name? Is that it? Because people in the food service industry aren’t above that? Hah?
KD: No. I’ll um. Just take my wafers.
[Cashier turns and punts his wafers to the ceiling. The box hits the ceiling and comes down.]
Cashier: There. Now no one can have them.
[KD stands in shock.]
Cashier: Just– just get out of here. [beat] Dickhead.
[KD swings around, excited.]
Cashier: I said “Dickhead,” not “dickface.” What? Get out of here. Goddammit.
[KD walks away dejected.]
I was nominated for “Best Humor Blog” by someone named “hamwatcher.” That sounds about right.
I’m pretty sure this “award” is pointless but hey, why don’t you go and vote for me anyway. The prize is a basket of feet.
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Man: Are you kidding me?
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